What is "normal"

Discuss the pleasure of pain - giving or receiving

Moderators: MrsS, Iamsomoney

Post Reply
User avatar
Diamond
Site Admin
Posts: 1235
Joined: Thu May 30, 2019 10:55 am
Gender: Male

What is "normal"

Post by Diamond » Thu Aug 13, 2020 4:20 pm

I talk to a lot of women online who are fascinated by their strong sexual response to experience of or watching pornography about submission, humiliation and masochism. And one thing so many have in common is they ask "is this normal"

It's pretty clear that a significant percentage of the population enjoy or would enjoy some aspects of BDSM in their sex lives, but it's so annoying how it's basically still very taboo, even to the extent that couples can't express their needs to each other without being thought of as 'weird' or 'perverted'

This applies to most fetishes, but BDSM is so widespread, and understanding is so poor, that I think it could actually be dangerous

Rant over, but what does anybody else think? Clearly we aren't going to change the world but am I just shouting at the moon on my own?
Try it. You might like it

User avatar
MrsS
Moderator
Posts: 150
Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2020 6:50 pm
Gender: Female

Re: What is "normal"

Post by MrsS » Thu Aug 13, 2020 7:32 pm

I would agree, it's a shame that social 'norms' often mean that we struggle to express ourselves, even in relationships as you say.

So many things contribute to it. From a personal perspective my upbringing had a lot to do with it and as a woman a sort of feeling that by admitting I liked aspects of BDSM that I was somehow letting down my sex and giving away my power and thus my equality.

I did finally reach the point where I realised that I had sacrificed no power and that in being liberated to enjoy sex in many forms in fact gave me power.

So not just you that it frustrates, I still would discuss very little of my choices with a lot of people who are close to me, because I know what the reaction would be sadly.

User avatar
Snowball82
Posts: 113
Joined: Fri Feb 28, 2020 11:44 am
Gender: Male

Re: What is "normal"

Post by Snowball82 » Thu Aug 13, 2020 7:57 pm

:confused: I could say a lot about that. In place where I come from "normal" means just in/out action between man and woman with all lights turn off. Not a lot of enjoyment - more rather "duty" for the ladies, and privilege for men. With upbringing like that it took me few years to introduce some more heat in my marriage. And still is long way to go. My wife first reaction for new kinks is "ew, this is not normal" or "normal people don't do stuff like that", "what is wrong with you". And this is my wife.
Any variation from "normal" was shamed when I was younger. I had various experiences but I fully accepted myself approx 5 years ago. All because of that upbringing and kink shaming. And I still cheating on my wife because there are things which she will not accept

User avatar
Diamond
Site Admin
Posts: 1235
Joined: Thu May 30, 2019 10:55 am
Gender: Male

Re: What is "normal"

Post by Diamond » Fri Aug 14, 2020 8:43 am

Thanks guys I'm glad I'm not alone in this and my experiences, and those of women I have talked to, mirror both of yours.

I like your point about "letting down" your sex, Mrs S. This is one of the big misconceptions. In a proper D/S relationshop ALL of the power is with the sub, the dom(me) is merely facilitating their needs. Not being aware of this leads some submissives into relationships that are simply abusive, and that I think is very dangerous
Try it. You might like it

User avatar
BrokenEye
Posts: 71
Joined: Mon Jun 01, 2020 3:24 pm
Gender: Male

Re: What is "normal"

Post by BrokenEye » Fri Aug 14, 2020 9:57 am

I totally agree with Diamond on this one, I met up with a lady who was into BDSM in a big way, she was the sub but she was in total control of the events, the only time she ceded that power was when she went subspace, she was quite a bit older than me, but a very good teacher, this was when I was living overseas, she taught me a hell of a lot I was only 19 at the time she was in her late 50's then, she was a seasoned California wild child and no mistake.

User avatar
littlemiss
Posts: 179
Joined: Sat May 02, 2020 4:57 pm
Gender: Female

Re: What is "normal"

Post by littlemiss » Fri Aug 14, 2020 4:46 pm

For those that don't know, I am a Psychologist and this is something I think about a lot. I've been told before that I'm "weird" for being in the career field I am but still being into "perverse" things, because apparently only people with "issues" like that stuff and it's a sign of acting out against some psychological repression. My view as a person and a Psych, is that as long as everything is consensual, BDSM and all other fetishes are a healthy form of expression and pleasure experimentation.......but you're right Diamond; still seen as taboo. Even now, it's so hard to broach the subject with new partners for fear of their reaction.....xx
When I RSVP to a party, I make it my business to cum!

Post Reply